Vanderpump most certainly rules…

Ok, so it’s not like I am breaking any news here but other than sports, Bravo is the best thing on TV.

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Quick ranking:

  1. Million Dollar Listing
  2. Top Chef
  3. Vanderpump Rules
  4. Watch What Happens Live
  5. Timbercreek Lodge – New

The only reason I am outing myself here his because apparently, 30 something, straight men are drawn to Bravo, even more so than I realized. This all came to light when I went home for the holidays and met the spouses and girlfriends of my closest buds. Now, I use to just say – the only reason I still watch it is because my Ex got me into it and I have to know what happens next. Complete lie. I watch because I love it.

I’m not ashamed to admit this anymore, especially after one of my friends significant others outed the shit out of him – he will go nameless. Just like him, I can’t get enough of this trash. It is simply amazing.

Let’s take Top Chef out of the equation though because it may be the only intellectually stimulating programming they provide.

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I truly believe you could mix every single cast together into one glorious train wreck of a show. That’s how amazing the Bravo formula is. Just a bunch of idiots getting shit faced all the time, cheating on each other, with each other and they all talk shit more than Kevin Garnett. Sounds like college, right? Now get this, everyone is in their 30’s!

While it comes in at number 3, Vanderpump Rules by far has the best cast member, Jax Taylor.

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Yup, that’s his mugshot from steeling a pair of sunglasses in Hawaii – All while filming the show – Oh Jax! To top him off, he is probably the only truth telling, honest person of the group. Everyone hates him for it because he doesn’t give a shit who he eviscerates with the stories of what everyone else did or did with him- it’s perfect.

Last night we had a new episode of Vanderpump. Is it sad that this is what I look forward to on Monday nights when football is over? Never-mind that. Let’s talk the latest episode. This is going to be a short synopsis, short on purpose. Once you hear what they pack into an hour, there is no way you don’t try this show once…

We start off with Kristin using a dick pic Jax sent her, as a prop in her comedy show. Oh yeah, while Jax was in the audience with his girlfriend. From there we go to Stassi and Kristin having a sit down with James, probing to find out any information about LaLa’s secret athlete boy friend… who is married… who makes their friends sign NDAs. Yeah. Then we find ourselves in Jax’s apartment, his girlfriends mom visiting and the two ladies are questioning Jax about what church he should start attending. This is the same guy whose mugshot is above and dick pic was used in a public show. Did I mention before that Jax has slept with every girl in the group, some of which were still dating his best friends? Did I also mention they are all still friends? Moving on…  Now we are at a bridal shower, meh, this is just a bunch of typical drama, not important. Fast forward past the overuse of the word, “literally” and we get to Ariana getting attacked by a group of women who MUST KNOW who Lala is dating. These women are “literally”(See what I did there) so self absorbed that they are willing to ruin lives, take down relationships and deeply insult each other, just to find out who someone is dating – information that is really none of their business. All of this taking place in the middle of the bridal shower – in front of friends and family.

I get that most of this stuff is scripted or staged but who cares?! This shit is gold. It’s like watching an action film with no substance but you love it because there is constant stimulation. I guess the best way to describe it is to be cliche, it is like watching a train wreck in slow motion… now throw in lots of booze, random sex, people with low IQs and no sense of morality or loyalty.

Can’t get enough. Thank you Bravo, thank you.

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